Turn them shits up!

Turning hoes into housewives

2011-12-06T04:52:00.001-08:00

Your tears sprung new ground, as I watched vowels fall from your face

2011-10-31T01:40:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time you said you did.

And how the words danced in my chest

I remember the first time you said you didn't.

The dance became a suede explosion tied in knots

Imissthatsound
//you

The clouds grow darker

2011-08-27T01:31:00.000-07:00

As the light you created begins to dim

bob ross suicide note

2011-07-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

you're not dreaming.
a girl halfway across the country has a beating heart with your name spray painted and carved and stitched all over it.

Or one billing cycle

2011-07-18T02:21:00.000-07:00

it means that you are three days away from being on your way to the rest of your life. <3

Sit down

2011-07-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

The days almost over

intuition

2011-07-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

all by yourself
we never made it to the lake

we never made it to the bottom of the hill

we never made it the date
and by yourself
i never chopped off my knees and begged it to stop

your only trying came when you weren't there

we never got to watch the sky swallow meteors

and little by little
the doubt ruled the air you choke on
and kept any real words forming above yr hips
and little by little
that sky will swallow more and more
leaving less light
taller shadows grabs at times
that clipped at the heels of verb medleys
how can the helpless help when the helpful hurt

but the doubt will fall like rain
that wets the nape of your nothing promise town
paved gold with endless roads that wont lead you home
swallowed by the hope that you wont ever choke
at the bottom of the hill where your open throat
filed the muck inside your pipe bomb moat

the night is going to choke on you

and it will be nothing
because thats all it ever meant

do you sit at home gently weeping?

2011-07-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

You know me so well
-lets hug it out
I didnt think so either
But up the street yr friends on fire
Secrets and celebrations dust up yr feet

Love to me was the timewestuck our hands inthe creek
And overuse of the word magnificient
Change the name and come sleep with the christmas lights on
But smoke from underneath yr feet
Will keep yr friends alive

Magnificent

Sail away on verbs of secrets and revelation
With our backs soaked by silent conversation
>stay young keep dancing
On the backs of bad ideas<
While the stranger youve created lives on our youth

You testify the choir will go way of seasons and mayflies
While the house music is screaming a mesaage you cant hear
Your indescritions gives me wings
Plan to arrive early when my hole gets dug
theres no white needed at this disco

(POOF!)

When whispers are just thoughts
Your voice carries faster than the speed of sound
My dreams only move at 65 MPH
throw verbs like punches, gravity owns the ground
Your hands heal/your hands bruise
Your actions are poison

What beats in my chest is the tempo
To a song I wish i never wrote
a lock without a key whos code ive never broke
But the rythm is a map
And i need a reminder im human
with windows open wide
27 hours and no blank slate
My heart a rythm i cant repay

This isnt a chessboard
one wrong move and ill surrender
Lets hope for once im right
110 MPH / speed of sound

Little secrets, tremors.turn to quake.The smallest oceans still get big, big waves.

2011-03-11T20:41:00.002-08:00

Life Wasted

aural sensory option

You're always saying that there's something wrong
I'm starting to believe it's your plan all along
Death came around, forced to hear its song
And know tomorrow can't be depended on

Seen the home inside your head
All locked doors and unmade beds

Open sores unattended
Let me say just once that

I have faced it, a life wasted
I'm never going back again
I escaped it, a life wasted
I'm never going back again
HAVEN'T tasted, a life wasted
I'm never going back again

The world awaits just up the stairs
Leave the pain for someone else
Nothing back there for you to find
Or was it you you left behind?

You're always saying you're too weak to be strong
You're harder on yourself than just about anyone

Why swim the channel just to get this far?
Halfway there, why would you turn around?

Darkness comes in waves...tell me,
Why invite it to stay?

You're one with negativity
Yes, comfort is an energy
But why let the sad song play?
heheheh...

I have faced it, a life wasted
I'm never going back again

Oh I escaped it, a life wasted
I'm never going back again

HAVEN'T tasted, a life wasted
I'm never going back again
oh i erased it, a life wasted
I'm never going back again

You must have a heart of steel.

I can see you on a hill
Comatose but walking still
Curves beneath your flowing gown
Only I could bring you down.

Dogs that lick and dogs that bite
Hounds that howl through the night
Broken leashes are all over the floor
Keys left hanging in a swinging door.

Ransom paid the Devil...He whispers pleasing words...
Triumphant are the angels if they can. get there first...

the same thousand words ten million times

2011-03-10T22:17:00.000-08:00

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

"And So it Goes"
-billy joel

it'd be solved by now

2011-03-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

if you'd just let it happen

you can't rule a kingdom

2011-01-10T06:01:00.000-08:00

on two hours a week
and im not about to try

but you're going to do it on 2/3rds that time -

Long Live the Kingdom

Track 7 / 01:50

2011-01-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

How should I begin this
I’m just so offended
how am I even mentioned by all these fucking beginners?
I’m so appalled - I might buy the mall
just to show how much more I have in store
I’m fresher than you all
so I don’t have to pause
all of y’all can suck my balls through my draws
dark knight feeling, die or be a hero
or live long enough to see yourself become a villain
I went from your favorite to the most hated
or would you rather be underpaid or over-rated?

moral victories is for minor league coaches

and We already told you "We Major" you cockroaches
show me where the boats is, Ferrari testarossa’s
the Hammer went broke so you know I’m more focused
I lost thirty mill so I spent another 30
cuz unlike Hammer 30 mill can’t hurt me
fucking insane, the fuck am I sayin’
not only am I fly, I’m fucking not playing
all these little bitches too big for their britches
burning their little bridges
fucking ridiculous

if my brain beats any louder

2010-12-29T23:43:00.000-08:00

it'll crack the sky and turn the starlight to powder

shesalliveeverwanted
ihopeshe'llbelievemewhenitsallover

it.hurts.

The night that was suppose to be...

2010-05-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

The night that wAs meant to be
the first night of a million more
of just 'you and me'

Was the night you ----- ----!--
was the night I tried to hang myself with a guitar cord
after I stabbed my wrist numerous times with broken glass
and swallowed enough pills to make my blood look pink as it oozed from everywhere

and all because I believed you

2010-05-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

Only mild smiles will taunt a fox
then blame the fog at a no fault tornado
those old clothes with bumps across morguesosouls a story headed for Colorado

like the feeling you forgot - but forget to remember
just when they dance om graves to forget it was never
the signs pointed high and the wrong direction
hung from the necks of hopeful as tribute to forever

2010-05-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

When sane songs chose to chase a fox
yet bet the farm against fog - or a tornado
the old shame roads grew with bumps
shamed sold souls a story headed for Colorado

like the feeling you forgot - but forget to remember
just when they dance on graves to forget it was never
the signs pointed high and sent the moth youth wrong directions
which hung from sore necks shamed and hopeful as tributes to forever

Whenever it starts getting too heavy

2010-04-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

I t. Vghlkjj

Nows it's forever --

2010-04-09T23:18:00.000-07:00

My brains spun a leak
10 plastic hangers restart heart
w/ electronic charge
the best of bad thoughts
now worse than once charred
at long dawn
mistakes became yawns
and sighs
and blinks
drowned by a glasses clink
that night
THE ring
turned into a trip
and
made you a hill
made just for a slip

and I know those thoughts
and things never said
will blow like hung sheets
when I trade off to bed

maybes my fault
I don't fight
I don't beg
I never too proud
to kneel on one leg

Your new twin sized bed

2010-04-05T23:53:00.000-07:00

"Your New Twin Sized Bed"

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.
I guess you decided that that old queen holds more space than you would need.
Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free.

And I hope you have more luck with this than me.

You used to think that someone would come along.
And lay beside you in a space that they belong.
But the other side of the mattress and box sp3rinkllKlgs stayed like new.
What's the point of holding onto what never gets used?

Other than a sick desire for self-abuse.

And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like your some kind of hurry to say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.

Just a number

2010-04-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

A thousand days spent having thousand promises broken
After a thousand times hearing you spell out
How you were a thousand times better
Than the thousand hands before you

And a thousand times now I've taken a thousand words
A thousand ways in attempt to count
The thousands of times you swallowed the one thing
That would of ended up on the ground a thousand times before
So now it's a thousand and 1
And what cAme out your mouth
is worth as much
As what I -
and everyone else -
Have put in it,
too many times to count

2010-03-20T00:53:00.000-07:00

All I can say is 'Sorry'

I'm sorry I let you in that night
I'm sorry Colorado never came.
Sorry your Dad wasnt at your Graduration

No matter what you think...

2010-03-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

You are a disappointment.

Montana is daylight

2010-01-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

i use to think a cloud was a big floating museum

for all of the:

sounds
verbs
laughs
thoughts
hugs
breath
noise
hands

for every moment we ever had.

And once a moment would pass
it would then NEED to float away...

where it would wait until it was time
but that cloud -

never
ever
gave chase

and whenever those sounds turn into the rain
it matches the beat of my thoughts
as your taste floated through gutters
fighting the traffic that turns time into knots

time makes math so much simpler but onnly this time

because:

You rise
I fold

and everything else is sideways
and only when sideways turns upside down

What I want for my berfday (par-tay)

2010-01-05T20:33:00.000-08:00

nobody wants me

2009-12-25T00:08:00.001-08:00

the skeletal complexities of foregone thoughts,
and actions and words that were fought for naught.
songs and sound of the present we feel
soon enough the future must eat up my whats left of my will.
the person who says often is the person they arent,
but the only way to know to is to commit your own heart.
hands turn to knives and trained on veins in our neck,
bled slowly for reason, slowly to death.
i cant shut my eyes except for to dream
about was once us, once known as we.
and so thats where i live until we go our ways,
and time not asleep ill spend counting the days.

knife fights and make believe

2009-11-29T00:42:00.001-08:00

i wonder if in heaven, whether the scratch of our throats
make nice with light at the end of the row
sold with wobbly chairs
and tightly wound rope

but once our fairytale lives
make sharp points with dullened knives
we must wrestle with the winded and long drawn
and wait for the dust of failed trust gone

maybe the beast thought, that you were not
the beauty that cost him being the longshot

and to think, that if i couldnt blink
would our eyes make lines
that make the divide in our starry sky

its not mine
its not yours
its no ones

why not chase the star that falls?
why not fall with a star that you chased?
some things leave marks on the ground
but most of it gets erased.

she still has the pain tattooed on her face
with the hoorah and start stating the case
fresh was an offer that was lassoed w/ grace
and still, you still hold... like its a stain on yr face

What I'm thankful for... 2009

2009-11-24T22:53:00.000-08:00

often imitated, never duplicated.

I'm thankful for...

-Socks on clearance
-Cardigans (on clearance)
-Disney Movies in 3D
-My guard Kitty, and 2 flappy lipped dogs (ones cock eyed and licks everything)
-The Sporting News Subscription I have
-the new job i start in like 4 days
-cranberry sauce
-Steven Segals new reality show
-Oprah wiping the Monkey-Attack ladies face (most work she's done in years)
-whenever a G2 costs me less than .99 cents
-my new home and my extended family
-xbox 360 (still)
-our new hi-def TV
-TIVO
-getting bawners during the weigh-in of the Biggest Loser
-pen pals
-10.1 JIZZAWATTS!!1
-Kirk Cameron
-saying 'no' to several 'opportunities' that would've made me leave the town I love
-no longer working at place that broke ppl's backs to make $10
-Google Wave
-the show Bones initially being a disappointment (misleading name) but it still being a good show
-grannnoooooola
-OATMEAL!!!
-Rachel beating the crap out of me 3 minutes after i awoke cuz i said Bill Nye was lame
-knowing my favorite Teams aren't affiliated w/my childhood Flag football team
-having the Technology to have my Voicemails transcribed for me, so i dont have to listen them and can read them. Like this one: "Hey I'm on. We got the press or not but DX B X for you over here on there for. Also to let you know if you wanna pain that refrigerator, right. Because this is Betty with tough staffed by. Best-seller special came at, To remove the moved to okay because about training for afraid she's beverage pansies bears web 2501 okay. Have a great day. I'll be off. I'll be there thing."
- HUGS!!! (i miss giving so many out)
-road rage movie cuddlers dodger guy
-getting a concussion from a 40 lb dog cage that was covered in dookie and blood
-Jay Leno failing
-Twitter
-finding my mini He-Man figure in the dogs stool
-Bitch Stewie
-Spring Training
-Hello Astro
-that bacon smell from my crotch when i go days without bathing
-turns out .99 cents IS a good prince for a wine bag
-ive gaind enough weight back that chicks think im gonna mug them
-CHONES CUKS!!!!1
-'I'm so poor, I have a RU-BLAY'
-the child whos head is big enough to have its own gravity field
-porn on my phone
-having a serious discussion about the fears of farting on a yogaball
-SuperCollider has yet to kill us all... or has it?
-that one chef chick got smack in the face by a me
-i got Uggs
-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGE
-finally being able to flop around on a wet gummi bear for a couple of hours at the mall
-Clearance Racks
-Racks, just racks
-Ice Packs
-Drinking SoCo in Soho w/ YoYo's for no Dough
-Chiropractors
-caffeine
-Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf
-Burts Bees ResQ ointment
-sitting 6th row @ dodger stadium (and manny got suspended the next day)
-holding hands and watching the waves roll in
-not finding out where that smell is coming from
-sharing dreams, and then working to make them come true
-I have insurance, and alot of other things because of her. and she never thought twice
-I've only been to WalMart twice this year. and once was by accident
-I have yet to find an Al Kweeda, but I'm pretty sure the Kitty is a member of it.
-The Flish Drummer. and the band name he doesnt realize is gonna be our name.
-that tweeker chick w/ the tight ass jeans on and those Santa Claus boots
-having more Nephews to teach baseball stuff to
-Conan taking over the Tonight Show
-American Spirit Black Packs
-SNUS
-Cold weather and hopefully some snow again
-FINALLY winning The Championship in my fantasy Baseball league (the last 2 years I finished3rd and 2nd respectively)
-CARLOS PENA!!!! (41 Singles, 39 Home runs) He's a man to me
-Zach Greinke won the Cy Young (me and Hens saw him pitch in Spring Training)
-Unemployment
-Seks dreams w/ Pat Sajak
-Rachel Rae's a Hermaphrodite
-heart sans robot
-Donde Esta con Culita y Zanahoria Quack cuz
-Trader Joes (This place is CHEAP as heck!!) i'm there all the time
-the re-released Nirvana album Bleach
-not being able to walk out of ZIA w/o spending at least $50
-Sweet Tomatoes (aka Salad Salad Good Good) and the weirdo white trash geriatric funness that frequents the place
-chicks w/ man faces
-chicks w/ robot hearts
-having the ability to move a twinkie across the room without using my hands or mouf
-DISNEYLAND~!!!! (especially StoryBook Land)
-Obama's Still the President
-the yearly xmas/berfday package I receive from Jill
-Spending $40 on Halloween candy and having one, yes, ONE trick or treater

and last but not least: My Mom and Dad, Brother and Sisters, Nieces and Nephews. Rachel and Drizz and DMitri. And our brothers and sisters protecting us overseas.

Everyone be safe. And make sure you let you the ones you love know that you are thankful for them.

and feel free to post your own 'What I'm thankful for' blog, or post it here. Just make sure you take the time to think about it.

godspeed

2009-10-25T22:21:00.001-07:00

Add me on most things: AIM/google lat/wave/etc - HamjenkinsIII - myspace.com/hamjenkinsiii - twitter.com/hamjenkinsiii - facebook.com/hamjenkinsiii

GIRAFFES!!1!

2009-08-30T00:36:00.001-07:00

the voicemail

2009-08-24T14:21:00.001-07:00

Rachel, it's Sam, I just wanted to call you. I'm stuck at telling you I know you need voicemail the. Jason Hensley just called me up. Totally forgot. He's in New York City, New York City any state. I'll talk to the like, who was like the worst sister. Hey hotel sorts of we'll do some Fairfield Phillips right on social Park. He said he if you can like is firm is overlook and Central Park, but they haven't gone there yet, but they're planning on going there and they're going to David Letterman tomorrow and he's going to wait and he came hoc, and Jason. Henry gets very you know friend the Larry anyways. Your beautiful. Let me know you got this message. Alright.

all i can i really say is...

2009-07-12T23:19:00.001-07:00

no matter how i handle it. i always end up being the bad guy, the dick, the controller.

but i wasnt that this time, and yet it ended with same results.

i got this far on my own, and i plan on keeping it that way.

so then...

2009-07-01T03:48:00.001-07:00

Last nights wish crime
Can break others wait time
The party won't make me proud
Then shattered dream loud

Colorless friend get set
To lonelier tones cold breath
Get our hands past that matter
Because last nights whims splatter

Never change that forever
Means nothing until midnight
On her perch fed sat sadder
Belows past just got a ladder

Soft idea got touched by mad
Hope the scare gets passed by buttons
Think royalty had its moment
When its scarred said its true

Let the morning pretend
To offend and forget
that she's made of matter
And rest when they ask her
Then bleed from her arms
Damage to both sides
Rest rest rest

1232246916372

2009-01-19T01:19:00.001-08:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

1232350205748

2009-01-19T01:17:00.001-08:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

berfday invite

2008-12-30T22:33:00.000-08:00

CLICK THE PHOTO TO ENLARGE IT

how I'm voting

2008-10-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

President
Barack Obama

Congress
3rd District - Dina Titus

Nevada Legislature
-Senate
District 5 - Shirley Breeden

-Assembly
District 21 - Ellen Spiegel

Clark County Commission
District A - Steve Sisolak

Board of Regents
District A - Ed Goldman

Ballot questions
Statewide Question No. 1 - Yes
Statewide Question No. 2 - No
Statewide Question No. 3 - No
Statewide Question No. 4 - Yes
Clark County Advisory Question No. 5 - Yes

Additional Info, Links, and Help Available HERE

my predictions for tonights debate

2008-10-15T11:21:00.001-07:00

-John McCain will pull up in a lowrider, hitting switches.

-Instead of using his catch phrase "My Friends" at the beginning of his answers, John McCain will start using his new catch phrase "What you talking about Obama?"

-At the beginning of the debates, Obama will rise from the floor. With strobe lights, disco balls, and fog machines going off. Wearing a velvet suit, using a cane, and wearing a pinky ring, Obama will demand the moderator to kneel down and kiss the ring.

-John McCain will fire Sarah Palin on the spot and hire comedian Katt Williams. In which John MCCain will point at Katt Williams and say, "This VIP right here!! Is called DEFF!"

-To show he can connect with 'Middle America', Barack Obama will eat a mayonnaise sandwich while watching the reality show 'Cops!'

-To show he connects with the 'Neo-Conservative' base, John McCain will make an Anti-Semitic joke.

-Michelle Obama, who is sitting in the crowd, will follow up every one of John McCain's accusations with, "OH NO HE DINT!" and shake her head and snap.

-John McCain will follow up a question about women's rights by answering "Ladies is pimps too, go ahead brush yo shoulders off."

-John McCain will sing a verse of 'Chocolate Rain', By Tay Zonday. In which Barack will reply, 'Let it rain biatch!'

-Instead of comparing Economic Stimulus packages, John McCain and Barack Obama will just compares each others 'packages' and make references to 'stimulus'.

-Cindy McCain will show up in a bikini.

-Not to be outdone, Joe Biden will attempt to take out his hairplugs.

-The debate takes a serious turn when the question is asked, "What is more important to the Cubs next season, OPS or BA with RISP."

-John McCain will announce that the right side of his face, heavily scarred from multiple cancer surgeries, will be in charge of Homeland Security.

-Dog the Bounty Hunter will interrupt the debate, by bursting through the ceiling with Osama Bin Laden in handcuffs, and handing him over immediately to John McCain.

bio

2008-07-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Born:
William Beaumont Hospital

which is in El Paso, Tx

RE:

2008-06-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

its defintely not vague

lemme tell you something

nothing rules and sucks more than love

but ill tell you something that ive learned in my past mid 20's widsom

there aint nothing in a relationship worth fighting about

we're all human, we all get mad, annoyed, pissed, etc. but never EVER will i find myself 'arguing' over anything that has nothing to do with changing the world, or saving a life.

i have friends. great friends, ive known for millenniums. and i never 'argue' with them. there might be an misunderstanding here or there. but clarification will quickly solve that.

maybe its a short sighted and/or naive way to view these things. but i learned something in my last relationship...

if someone doesnt want to be with you, theyll do everything but tell you...

and you cant help that, and you cant blame yourself.

thats a long message

i dreamt i was wearing shoes

2008-04-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

In general, shoes represent your approach to life. Or possible beliefs and religion at times.

If one was a new shoe and the other is an old one.
The new shoe could suggests that you are overconfident in your success. Alternatively you may be on a life path that is unfamiliar to you. Hence one is new and the other is old.

If you have been doing some soul searching lately, this might have an indication that you might be shifting your beliefs to a more dominant or passive position. Changing roles how you normally would handle a situation.

relationship advice

2008-03-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

lemme give you some advice playa

go ahead and revel in it

and ill tell you why...

one, its gonna help your self esteem. trust me, nothing rules more than knowing youre awesome

two, get into the game. see whats out there. itll give you sometime to see what you do and dont like... and start looking for obvious warning signs from random woman that you never intend on marrying.

and three, YOURE A DUDE.

see, my whole life i was ugly, fat, and had no self esteem

so i got into the game and learned so much about myself, and i knew that the moment i saw xxxxxxx that she was gonna be mine

but up until then, i was excited to even think a girl would wanna even talk to me

hence the long line of stupid, fat, ugly whorey broads who sat their and picked all the good things out of my life, ruined them and then broke my heart.

you got it dude, YOURE XXXXX!

RE:

2008-01-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

HI xxxxx!

yah, it gets pretty repetitive sometimes, especially when i havent seen someone in a long time (months, years, etc) and i get that whole covering-their-mouth-in-shock thing...

yah.

but honestly, its still pretty cool.

but the best part is being able to buy jeans @ target in the Clearance rack.

that was always a dream of mine.

but anyways,

so yah. it was nothing spectacular that was responsible for the weight loss.

eating right and working out.

sounds lame i know.

i count calories. avoid processed foods. and worked out hella.

that was it.

and what caused me to do it in the first place? I dont really know. something clicked in my brain and i went for it. i guess i had always wanted to sorta live a healthy lifestyle and stuff. plus i had just gotten out of a very loooong relationship that ended very badly. so there was some motive.

losing the weight was the easy part
keeping it off is definitely hard...
knowing when im walking that line and when im not.
its a challenge.

but xxxxx a good dude. i know hes had knee issues right? and he's in the union now too? thats back breaking labor. so its prolly close to impossible to try to motivate him to go put on some tight shorts and a sleeveless shirt and do an hour of cardio...

so what i suggest is trying to find things he might be in to, or that hes always wanted to do that will be physical.

I play flag football when its in season, and softball games on friday night most nights. i got a gaggle of homies that go hiking on sundays and ive been meaning to go to that. plus gym 3-4 times a week with the strict diet except for saturdays.

exercise is NOT about burning calories, but about speeding up your metabolism.

but ya, if ya got anymore questions or anything...

just ask. im here yo.

and thanks for the kind words.but i dont write those bulletins. i pay a bunch of mexicans to do it. but then i gotta pay some mexicans to translate them back to english. so all in all, each bulletin costs me upwards of $3-5 billion dollars a word.

bet you didnt know.

:P

see ya

RE:

2007-12-20T10:01:00.001-08:00

ive never met a rich musician
ive met a couple of succesful ones
but none that anyone would categorize as rich
i have met, however...
a bunch of rich promoters, record execs, etc.

over the years, my biggest shows, with the biggest crowds, where we sold a ton of merchandise....

all i got was a hot meal and floor to sleep on.

someone gets that money...

but its never been the ones playing the music.

and it was a pre-req upon joining my band.

'no pipe dreams, lots of hard work, little or no return.'

thats what we do. encourage others to dream, that to me is the biggest reward.

thats better than money.

i thought we were dreaming together

2007-11-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

turns out

we were just dreaming

re: sorta serious question

2007-11-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

at this point in my life
i dont get nervous really

when you become a vet at it like me
you find out what it takes focus on what you need to focus on
you cant really teach that

best advice is,
if you really wanted to be there. and worked hard to get there. then you own that spot. and its your chance to show everyone why. so get it done. stop being nervous and start thinking of why you DESERVE to be there.

trail of breath and leaves

2007-11-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

there seems to be a pattern
of things i care about
and there sudden departure

time will tell
hope for the best
the sun will keep shining
no staring at the stars
my feet must stay on the ground

no shot at the luck draw
fast act with the power out
loose slip with their guns drawn

its for real this time

honestly

2007-11-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

id rather not think about it

and honestly

i hope we never talk about it

i dont want to

just get up and leave....

ill figure out the rest

2007-11-19T08:15:00.001-08:00

i dont know why you insist on contacting me

she sang rain on a cloudy day

2007-11-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

she made time float underneath our tongues
she grabbed our dreams from underneath the kitchen table

distance the only thing we cant bend anymore

and thats how its staying

rabies whore

2007-11-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

bodysnatcher
bodysnatcher
fed on piles of men

the black hole

2007-10-31T11:11:00.001-07:00

linkless blogging

2007-10-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

think about it

2007-10-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

1.The status of you and the last person you kissed?
Serious but stable condition. Someone's no means yes you know.

2.Whats bothering you right now?
The fact that my cats on fire and stapled to my breast pump.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Sure, as soon as she drops all charges and restraining orders.

4.What's in your wallet?..
A couple of chinese people

5. Wallpaper on your computers desktop?
its actually wallpaper made out of old computer desktops... huh?

6. Background on your cell phone?
that picture of your mom knife fighting those fish down at the pier. THOSE FISH WERE IN A GANG!!!

15. Last person who texted you?
Some chick asking me to stop hanging out in the bushes by her house at night or underneath her car after work.

16. Listening to?
Someone melt Mike and Ikes and whistle

17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Matt?
DUDE?! Kissed!? Man, me and Matt rubbed tips like, errrday kinda!

18. What do you smell like?
Shame, and attempted kidnapping and a little minty

19. Eating?
Some melted mike and ikes

20. Whats your favorite thing to have on your bed?
$ scoops of granola superglued to a couple of geeses

21. If you could change something in your life, what would it be?
I would make my arm shoot missiles, just in case i have a hard time getting something out of my teef.

22. What do you wear to bed?
A Dolly Parton mask and a whole lot of metal.

23. Do you remember your dreams?
Only the ones that involve Me, Fabio and an unfortunate Crisco highway spill in the middle of the summer.

i like this picture

2007-10-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

and im not quite sure why

dreams

2007-09-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

you're still in them
but they're different now

and i'm thankful for that

but anyways

2007-09-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

it's funny how...

Our once hope-filled conversations are now sanitized mouth fodder from party to party. Like our insides have been drenched in disinfectant.

Like everything inside us just got up and moved to another town, or state, or state of mind. Like we made the same plans, but with different people. Like our hearts like different weather.

Maybe we're both still young, maybe we're not.
Maybe we have our whole lives in front of us, maybe we don't.
Maybe it matters that matter has kept us apart, but I doubt it.
Maybe I Just need to stop thinking about it, and move on.

RE:

2007-01-27T11:35:00.000-08:00

How's life for HAM? :o)

lifes been good

coming
going
staying
leaving

its all relative i imagine.

did you ever see Saved By the Bell, the New Class?

Well, Screech (the invariable outcast geek nerd) was now, in the newer version, second in command to Mr. Belding.

thats how it is now, I'm the new Screech.

you're at home sleeping, i'm at home too

2007-01-21T01:24:00.000-08:00

i miss you right now
like an mid-aged man misses his youth

i miss you
like an old man misses his medicine cabinet

i miss you
period

if i had my choice right now
i'd stare at your eyes, whose pupils reek of the finest silk

given the chance
i'd jump into your skin
which is the deepest ocean i've ever encountered

and of the top of those waves, springs your breath
who's only map is drawn on the nape of your neck

i can hear your heartbeat from here
it's like methadone, given by hand, and taken by chest

i'm right where i've always wanted to be

thank you

knife fight

2007-01-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

i think there comes a point
in every persons life
where the beatings that you take in
no longer outweigh the gain
of learning from the punches

theres only so much you can learn from a bruise.

we're all fighters here. every single one of us.
its the basis of the human condition.
everymanforhimself
some fight harder
some fight smarter
some fight faster
etc.

you fought ugly. its shows in your wrinkles.
but we all fight. day in/day out

heh

2007-01-05T10:16:00.001-08:00

ENFP - The Champion

You scored 81% I to E, 31% N to S, 28% F to T, and 52% J to P!

Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.

As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.

Your group summary: idealists (NF)

Your type summary: ENFP

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 90% on I to E
You scored higher than 32% on N to S
You scored higher than 19% on F to T
You scored higher than 53% on J to P

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

at this specific moment

2006-12-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

i am sitting at this computer. at my house.

i'm listening to my ipod (not yrs sewer mouth)
It's a madonna song, my favorite matter of fact.

i'm drinking a warm propel
I forgot to put it in the freezer before i left for the gym.

My hands are cold. My stomach is kinda swirly.
Lunch was Memphis BBQ over on Warm Springs.

I was knee deep in a text convo about alligators wearing hats and jazz hand influenced butter shoe wearing stapling. (long story)

I just got a reply.

I'm considering going to the record store, and buying CD's. And then going to a bar and drinking. By myself.

This specific moment right now is the first time in many weeks that I've had to myself.

(I just started that Madonna song over again.)

When it rains, it pours, we all say. And it's been sunny days in HamLand for quite a while. But now, it's monsoon season. Coupled with the dark cloud thats in my heart already.

I'm stressed out. Big time.

I feel empty. Sorta like a shell of human. Filled with oxygen. Carbonite, like Hans Solo.

Solo.

I like that word.

A few years ago, me and a bunch of people i knew spent an entire weekend doing LOTS of drugs.

Sometime Sunday afternoon someone showed up with hallucinogens.

I ended up in a dark room with this person i knew.

We hallucinated.

My trip was good.

I sat in this field. It was dark out. A gigantic lady bug with big eyes came and landed on a leaf in front of me. I touched it. The stars twinkled like choruses. The cool air bounced of my skin in slow motion.

It was great.

My friend, her trip was not so good. She told me eventually that tiny birds were pecking off little tiny pieces of her flesh. Apparently she was calling me for help. I never answered. The gigantic ladybug had me distracted.

I know now, how she felt that day.

pecking

and

pecking

pecking

yah.

she used to love this song

2006-12-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

we'd listen to it on repeat, over and over again. (like i am right now)

I just wish I knew the words to this song back when she would sing them to me,

because it was a warning.

a caution sign,

a foreshadow.

but i was too preoccupied with watching her mouth move.

oh, what random mess i can be sometimes...

you and me are gonna beome an ocean

2006-11-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

of breath

and heartbeats

and in between twinkles in the sky

forget our names

and grab at imaginary verbs

about me

2006-11-14T20:29:00.000-08:00

i do things. these things are fun. i have weird obsessions, and laugh at inside jokes in my head. i am not easily amused but i am easily electrocuted. go figure. my uncle is the head ayatollah al-ramini, and my father is a trucker, so it ain't uncommon for a jihad hoedown to occur any where near or in my pants.

Few things about me.

-i have bad credit

-two parakeets

-a napkin collection

-there are two different versions of the bible which i wrote

-i am a minority

-i've never been arrested (in this country)

-i dont do drugs

-i was once a drug runner for the mormon mafia

-i don't like mayo

-i do like gay marching band tributes to gay clowns

-i once ate a cigarette

our brains make waves that turn dust into lamisil

2006-11-12T23:21:00.003-08:00

hey baby

hold yr breath

and

let our bones turn into liquid

as our breath becomes soundscape laden

and

the millions of cracks that occupy the right of our chests

will soon defy the written book on gravity

float to the sky

and twinkle for as long as those clocks allow it

tick tock

tick tock

yeah baby, we make chorus

yeah baby, we make the jealous hum

let your skin become the freeway

with no exits

with no posted limits

no lines in the road

but i promise, to still drive real slow

as long as you promise,

to keep breaking the sound barrier

and when we disconnect, and make time a moot point

the plates underneath the land will rumble and shake

and the pounding in our chest become quake

the jealous will claim we failed

the noise inside them will claim we've made mistakes

some wear there scars inside themselves

others wear them in places that the world can see

some of us spending our lives

fighting the world with knives

hoping to that when the sunsets

all the hurt made by devils with fallous souls will have disappeared

some of us spend our sundowns

pressing the floor with our fingertips

hard enough to turn the solar system into a long laugh

the jokes on them

blah blah

2006-11-12T03:06:00.000-08:00

hey baby

hold yr breath

and

let our bones turn into liquid

as our breath becomes soundscape laden

the millions of cracks that occupy the right of our chests

will soon defy the written book on gravity

float to the sky

and twinkle for as long as those clocks allow it

tick tocks

tha thumps

yeah baby, we make chorus

yeah baby, we make the jealous hum

let your skin become the freeway

with no exits

with no posted limits

no lines in the road

but i promise, to still drive real slow

questions

2006-11-02T10:10:00.001-08:00

Why on earth is your middle name "hefferbeast"?

cuz i fucking keep it fucking really real and shit. thats why.

What did you have for breakfast this morning, other than hefferbeasts?

four bikes and a nintendo cartridge

What are your plans for the weekend?

to punch every fucking member of Toto in their fucking faces!

And will you have a video camera to record this?

only if its made of candy and i'm on fire.

Why is Pepto Bismol pink?

Pepto bismal is pink because Oprah sells the leftover souls that she collects from getting people to sign up to her book club.

precursor

2006-11-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

With the advent of new technologies, text messaging has fast become a very acceptable and common form of communication. I text often, oft sending and receiving several HUNDRED text messages on any given day.

Within the confines of texting, comes predictive text. Which is an option given by the phone, to the user, to have it predict or guess which words you are typing out. This will usually help save on time, but it has been known to go haywire.

There are several words within the english language, that when typed out a via predictive text, can also be other words.

For Example:

The word 'He' is often mistaken by the phone to be the word 'If'. Which at this point is very easily deciperable. But as your words get longer, and the sentences get more complex, things can get a little more confusing.

Here are ACTUAL examples of what can happen when Predicitive text goes wrong.

fodder

2006-10-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

there's a theory
that claims that mountains over time
move themselves

the problem with this theory
is that
these mountains don't have a destination

where do mountains go?
and where are there intended destination

what is this gigant slab of earth chasing after?

i don't know...

but i do know this.

i spent a pie chart of my days above ground, chasing her.

having her

and eventually losing her

i watched as every word she ever said and said she meant slowly turned to fossil fuel,

trapped under the weight of her own promises.

that fuel was used, to set my heart on fire. once charred and useless, she started working on my pride.

once that went, she started on my soul.

slowly but surely, i became gelatin. and i became her snack.

whenever she needed me, i was there.

now im moldy.

the events

2006-10-24T15:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday:
study/pizza date with 2 of my friends in I/O Psych lab. Me alone with 2 lady friends. One of my lady friends has to go *hugs and byes*. Then it's just she and I. her and me. Embraces, gentle strokes, nibbles of body parts, and consummated with a kiss, I got my second girlfriend.

Last night:
I'm dreaming. I'm on a field with hundreds of other people, watching a classical music concert, on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I look for my friends, I see them and join them on their blanket over the grass. It's none other than Ham Jenkins and his friends. We enjoy the concert and crack jokes, all the while knowing we were meant to be.

The meaning of yesterday's events coupled with last night's dream:
I have no fucking clue. But on the drive to school this morning, I saw one of those [destination - miles] signs, and Las Vegas was 222 miles away. Again, means nothing. I also have yet to tell you my other dream, the one in which you were hitchiking to: "wherever I wind up", and I saw you in a mall 20 miles away and we teamed up hitchhiking together, but were so outrageously funny in the car that picked us up, that we got kicked out on the freeway in my hometown... wound up walking to a park near the Public Library that was having a festival, and you became a one man show of jesterness hilarity.

Here's thinking of you... and my girl... but not together and completely unrelated...

-David

P.S. Lolz at this bulletin!

sign that you just effed a complete c-word

2006-10-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

1. After effing has occurred, you realize that you're in a Hollister store.

2. The convo after effing:

me: 'man! we just effed! that's awesome!!'

chick: 'hold on tubby, lemme take this call.'

"hello,

hey girl?! what's up? are you serrrrrious? never! OMG. art bar? NO way!"

3. Her name's Paris.

4. Convo before effing:

me: 'Hey, how are ya?'

chick: 'um. beer. dicks.'

me: 'Ummm. Uh'

chick: 'Hold on LumpyMcGee, lemme take this call.'

Hello?

Hey! What's up? NO WAAAY! A Denny's bathroom? Da Club? OMFG! Beer. Dicks.

5. She makes you pay in advance

6. Before you eff, she makes you eat a tub of spinach AND watch 4 episodes of the OC.

7. She looks a little like Tom Cruise.

8. About 5 minutes into a conversation, you're impressed by her abilities to organize a 14 kegger frat party armed with nothing more then a tube of toothpaste and a bucket of hot spoons. But unimpressed by the fact that she can't read, or tie her shoes.

9. She legally changed her last name to BringingSexyBack

10. She got caught with a bunch of pinetar on her hand during Game 2 of the World Series.

y u

2006-10-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

hey there bumblebee,

had to show them that you're bigger than me
show them the cost of my thoughts
and how it made me an enemy

a thought

2006-10-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

the quieter the thoughts

the louder the secrets

she asked me who the perfect girl was

2006-10-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

i just want a soft, gentle soul

with a big heart and an open brain

who'll want to lay with me in the dark and listen to sad records

and drink coffee on rainy days

someone that will tell me to shut up when im being a jerkoff

someone who'll smile when she knows i mean it

yah

if she had a spaceship, that'd be even cooler

i told her today

2006-10-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

my two favorite parts of a girl are:

her heart
her brain

after that, it gets naughty.

my replies

2006-10-08T03:57:00.000-07:00

up and down

here and there

close and far

alright most times

pathetic sometimes

over the top always

what about you?

xoxo

that seems to be the story for most

i went out to dinner with a girl i care about alot

it was nice

and she said it was nice

but my attempts to get her in my room failed

when i got home, she texted me and said she enjoyed herself

but that the 'jokes' had to stop

then i asked if she wanted to come over

but she never replied

hence:

"I hope youre sleeping, because i cant"

xoxo

in all fairness

they were a bit mean-spirited

not at all fair to her

i do that sometimes without realizing it

a very obvious fault of mine

xoxo

i know the perfect reason for us to be mean to each other

we're both fucking sexxxxy.

xoxo

and if you i effed

you would birth nothing but pure energy

and your afterbirth would be old disco beats

good ones

xoxo

i dont think so

im actually a laid back hopeless romantic with an obsession bands, baseball, and the occasional documentary about alien abductions

i can tell you one thing though

i still believe in love

xoxo

no

i've never been

been spending alot of time trying to convince myself that it does exist

and trying to figure out what it was that i was 'IN' in previous scenarios....

there is one underlying truth to all of those previous scenarios however

i was never the one that said it first

xoxo

the girl tonight

i wanted to say it to her SOOO bad

and i couldnt figure out why

i thought i was crazy

i thought i had lost my mind

so i told her i couldnt be with her anymore

and she cried

and i cried

and now, once in a while i get to go to a public place with her and make small talk and remember how beautiful i think she is

but i cant tell her that

not now anyways

xoxo

i dont know

cuz if i did say it

and she said it back

i would be the happiest dude in norftown

but what would happen days, weeks, months, years later if things didnt work out

what weight would those words carry....

and what if i said it,

and she turned and looked at me with complete and utter disgust

and told me i had to stay away from her or something

i couldnt figure out which way to take it, so i took neither

im good at letting things like that just fall out

but it was way serious, and i knew that...

either way, i wouldnt be happy about it. i guess i took the easy way.

xoxo

there isnt

and you're completely right...

i;ve been running circles in my brain about things like that lately, and its good to know i always wind up in the same place

xoxo

romantic talk

2006-10-08T03:17:00.001-07:00

and if you and i effed

you would birth nothing but pure energy

and your afterbirth would be old disco beats

good ones

people don't change

2006-10-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

only the situations that are presented to that person does.

And ultimately how that person reacts to those situations, is what will eventually decipher who that person REALLY is.

I'd like to sit here and think that i've changed, and the world around me has stayed the same. but that's only a very lame and misleading cop out.

the world is a painting, and you're in it. drawn somewhere in the background.

those trees will die, those houses will be torn down, those roads will crack and get carried off by it's travelers. the paint will fade, the artist will die. lest we not forget, the countless people who will stare at that painting, as if it's a captured moment of time.

but it's not,

and you're still there.

how you react to the subtle strokes of time, love, growth, and settling. it's who you've been since the moment you took that first breath. you will be that person when you take that last breath. you were that person, for every breath in between.

that's the person you've always been and ALWAYS will be....

so, NEVER be afraid to be that person. make the world become what it should be, don't make yourself into the person that you think the world wants you to be.

you will change the world, by not changing at all.

the sky never apologizes for being beautiful
that song never feels bad for coming on at the right time
love never said 'Sorry' even after it stopped feeling good
never feel bad for wanting to change the world

thats why you're here.

lets see how this goes

2006-10-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

some mornings i wake up, and my only hope is to get out the front door alive. i can be so clumsy sometimes, my body doesn' react well to my brain, and vice versa.

it's been my biggest curse, and my most valuable asset.

gravity seems to stick to me harder then it does most,and only because sometimes i have a hard time getting off the ground. and when i finally do, i have hard time staying up there. grabbing on to any object i can, just to stay afloat.

mind you,

i love being stuck here on this planet. there's alot of nice things to see, alot of wonderful words to sing. alot of wonderful sensations to chase after. but once in a great while, just like everyone else, i just want to drop the gravitational pull off of my back and join the starlight in the everlasting dance of the sky.

and now as the weathers cooling down, it causes the electrons around me to work even harder to keep my legs moving. but i've done a great job of keeping those nuclei from slowing down.

so, in the middle of all this, is me. and my hearts beating. it works slower nowadays. a well needed vacation from it's prior job of throwing my brain into a thought catastrophe.

protons. electrons. neutrons. croutons. futons. cajun.

man,

i miss digital cable.

but here's the hard part...

everything i do is 110% pure. everything that falls out of me, wherever it happens to be:

words
songs
moments
feelings
hugs
handshakes

it's all pure. i mean all of it. and i'll never take it back. i don't apologize and neither should you.

except when it comes to her.

i tried to map out the reasons tonight on why my body turned off, but my brain broke into mach 9. breaking the mental sound barrier and shattering every thought window in the back of my eyes.

and though it appears that this is the hardest thing i have yet to conquer. it all comes down to one thing.

you are one fucking pathetic individual.

liars feed on the lies they create, and the turmoil it causes in beautful peoples lives. as if they've somehow accomplished SOMETHING, ANYTHING worthwhile.

but you haven't.

and that's why i can't sleep.

because you suck.

it hurts tonight, to close my eyes. but tonight i will and i will soon, in hopes that tomorrow will be better then today....

godspeed

before it gets lost

2006-09-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

you can have it...

i hate my brain

but i had this dream last night, where i was standing in the middle of the freeway late at night, and not a single car was around. and the sky was littered with bright clouds. and even brighter stars.

and as the wind blew just hard enough to hit my nostrils as if to tease me about the beautiful accident that was carbon dioxide and oxygen...

before i could start wondering what the hell i was doing stuck in the middle of this concrete desert way past a sane mans bed time, i heard an odd noise come from up above me.

i propped my head up to to see what all the fuss is about.

Hot Fuss? Not Quite.

when suddenly, a star fell from the sky. just dropped, as if it no longer wanted to be part of a child's night laying on the lawn, or no longer wanted to be the witness of a billion first kisses.

no tradebacks.

i watched in complete bewilderment. as it got closer, i made extra sure that i didn't blink. almost wishing that i could glue my eye lids wide open, knowing that a moment like this would never happen again.

how was it so possible that i was the only person around to see something so wickedly beautiful.

did the world go away?
was my imagination working in figments?

As the star got closer, i noticed several different colors that twinkled out of it. colors so pure, that if you took a billion christmas's and added a million beautiful sunsets, and shoved them into the chorus of a song written by a heartbroken man; you'd only get about 18% of the power of that light.

i was paralyzed by the awe of it. "i must be the luckiest human to ever live." i mumbled. not even realizing that at any moment a Hyundai Accent could ruin it.

all good gas mileage side...

i stood still. not even noticing the tears running down my cheeks.

it's descent grew faster, but it's sized stay the same. when it dawned on me, like a father at his only daughters wedding; it wasn't a star.

it was by far those most beautiful thing i had ever seen, but i knew then that what i was looking at, was not what i thought it was.

it was still beautiful, but i didn't recognize it anymore.

and before i could get my next thought out of brain, it dropped down.

bounced.

and killed me.

turns out i was the only one left.

and the most beautiful thing i ever saw had to make me go away too.

garbage

2006-09-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

there are people out there who appreciate the things i do. and very so often i'll sit down and think about these people and get a smile on my face. or at least get that ever calming feeling that i'm doing something right.

and to all of you, thank you. who know who you are.

now,

i joined my first band when i was 12 years old, right after a few blowouts with the parents, and a girl who said she loved BUT me left me for another dude (my best friend at the time).

now, only tiny micorcosms compared to the daily stresses of real life, this caused enough fracture in my heart to go out and join a rock band. i decided shortly after that, thanks to my pearl jam and nirvana records that i was going to join a band and persue for as long as it took.

i'm 25 years old now, and though i'm not ancient by any stretch of the imagination, i look back now at the things i've done. and even though i'm proud of the things i've accomplished as a musician, i do NOT weigh success by shows or bands or record deals.

now first off, 98% of you are here because of your appreciation of loud sounds being pushed through speakers.

i smell her disappointment from a mile away

2006-09-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

there's pressure in the point
the point of failure
loss
life
nouns

i think now,

i know now

that i've caused irreversible damage to syllables and nouns.

it all comes out like binary out of my mouth, to her.

ones
zeros
more ones
more zeros

because it's impossible for me to put together the sounds that really want to fall out my mouth

i was falling in love, and i can't tell her that

the truth doesnt hurt, it moves
it makes the earth shake
the air vibrate

and all i want is calm.
all we crave is calm, and shelter for the storm after the calm.

calm water underneath this ship. my arms are tired from the steering, and this anchors made of paper.

it'll get wet. and it won't hold.

and with these currents, i'll get swept away.

and god forbid, i get stuck in my midlife, wearing a bad haircut and forcing a pointless occupation. my only pride would be old scars, bent knives, and memories of the way she smelled.

and if i could sell my soul, it would be for that smell.
and her movie mouth
and pray to make those movie sounds.

mkl

2006-08-12T02:54:00.000-07:00

lets hope for rungs in the patterns
that tell age and signs of wear
no crossed path motor for dirt path riders

but warn the posers
about getting lost in the strut
and screaming too loud

when tempers turn bare
and words conflict actions
theres something sideways about this two foot ladder

scraping the ceiling
scraping the light away

paying for dealing
drink the night away

a quote

2006-08-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why some people feel that they should put a band in front of everything else. Realistically you can't really do that. If you put everything else in front of the band, it becomes more of a legitimate thing.

-Ham

paintings for strangers

2006-07-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

that voice you locked
couldn't get bitter
but hope left marks
and talk about the weather
but the rope you drew
for talk aloud winners
won't
bear
my
drawn
neck

that time you laughed
at puns in the shower
called the pilots out
new plans in an hour
that sunset laugh
you drew as a flower
won't
bloom
for
the
choir

the top of thoughts
that keep getting louder
hope that time will crave
thoughts that turn sour
words won't make
what lines can devour
when you waste my time
painting
for
strangers

with my arms open

2006-07-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

Provided By MetroLyrics

nocturnal emissions

2006-05-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

the other night i was driving somewhere...

when suddenly,

the Concept of GOD suddenly made sense to me.

"Wow." I thought.

"Wow."

relationship advice

2006-04-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

you get one thats hot but wont put out

you get one that puts out but aint that hot

the one you wanna eff gives it up when her 'friends' have nothing planned for her

and i hate masterbating

im fucked...

maybe

2006-04-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

on top of the largest soda pop towers
are hours of missed arms lengths and reaches
kept at burning distances

and their accents make soldiers and sisters cry
just because they can
and want to

there's no point in the aftermath
when the afterdance kept strong distance
and hot markers leapt across sand dune couches
and flavorless preachers
like hot august comments made for winter dances

and if the not's and the have's all sang one song
we'd be better than the barrio chorus
with long stretched arm
reached for burning distances

but this shot is long, and getting longer
raised with stiff arm malice
and late night practice

i watched whole towers burn
from burning distances
but my sand dune couch made for stiffarm choruses

a response

2006-03-31T11:08:00.000-08:00

yo yo yo

listen up.

despite what people may tell you, i am not a champion arm wrestler. i did however, find a cure for athletes face (similiar to athletes foot, but on your face).

i was a victim of athletes face, after an unfortunate snacking incident left me face down in a middle school gym shower. needless to say, the chex mix was excellent.

but regardless,

i've come across your profile a couple times recently (here in prison there isn't much else to do) and i noticed that we know some of the same people (via internet at least) and also noticed that you occasionally attend bars where local bands play...

so thanks for the add.

and

FYI:

i am not actually a musician, but that is in fact a birth defect. i tend to be a bit sensitive about it sometimes. but i was born with a log coming out of my hand and decided to make it into something else (other than a baseball bat)

i don't like to run much....

laters.

-ham

an island

2006-03-06T13:18:00.000-08:00

the island of love is not in fact an island
but a gigantic cavern, full of glass and molten thoughts
run by goons and monsters who feed on hurtful phrases and unearned assumptions

underneath the magmatic crust, are souls.

of young girls
and old men

all thrust into the velvety torture chambers on promises of hope, and safe feelings.

And the one's that aren't nailed to the smooth torture chamber's walls, are drowning. in rivers full of vomit and nightmares. all ill effects of having ones heart tossed off the side of the universe.

And underneath it all is a steady beat of nervous heartbeats, and a shrill chorus of words once muttered, now constant soundtrack to the lonely and bitter.

miami advice

2006-02-07T18:38:00.000-08:00

well,

let me start this off by saying that i am not a 25 year old guitar wielding potty mouth from southern nevada, but in fact a serial killer from your neighborhood, and i plan on eating your knee skin

but now that we got that outta the way, let's get down to brass tacks.

first and foremost, if this chick was down for boning, it would of happened already. and if she wanted a relationship from you, there would of been alot more than that occuring...

i mean ALOT.

Here's the deal, a chick knows within the first few seconds of meeting you if they are gonna eff you. they have the vaginas, hence, they have all the power. and it would of been actions on her part that would of led to the eventual dry humping, and then insertion.

chick: "what are doing tommorrow night?"
dude:"nothing, whats up?"
chick:"well, my parents are gonna be out of town this weekend and blah blah blah eff me"

or

dude: "Man, this gordita is fricking DEE-LISH"
chick: "You like Star Trek right?"
dude: "Hell yeah!"
chick: "Well, i have Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country on VHS. If you wanna come over and watch it with me I'll let you go up my shirt."
dude: "alright."

but of course, wen it comes to the opposite sex, all of this goes out the window.

so...

this is the best advice i can give you.

first of all, with girls (like most things in life) you have to come at her with confidence. don't be a dick, don't be cocky. just ask her point blank what the deal is and/or tell her point blank how you feel.

it's better to get this out of the way now, then say... 8 years from now. when you're standing outside of her house, in the rain, holding some flowers and a box of chocolates, while she's in the house get fisted by one of Sugar Ray's roadies.

Just remember, the road of love is long and treacherous and very worth it.

just make sure the passenger is along for the ride.

ciao.

Re: Re:

2005-12-26T16:06:00.000-08:00

yeah yeah.

bands.

i swore i was gonna retire after leaving xxxxxx.

after that, i slapped together the 32nd version of xxxxxx, played enough shows to pay off our debts from before me joining xxxxxxx, and then called it quits.

i didnt touch a guitar for about 2 years after that.

i was sooooo burnt out on music. and how it dominated every aspect of my life up to that point.

and then the typical...

my life was sucking, things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, and an old friend called me and asked if i wanted to make a new band with him.

i thought about it for awhile. and said no, told him i was retired. i was an adult now, doing grown up things.

he asked that we jam one more time, i said yes, and we ended up writing like 3 songs that day. at that point i couldnt say no.

we played our first show a couple of weekends ago, and we've only been a band about a month up to that point.

but its real laid back, no drama, no pressure, no managers, etc. we practice on the weekends and stay light on the shows (for now anyways).

but talking about it bores me anyways.

i almost moved to oregon a couple of times for various reasons. i've almost moved to a few different cities before. but something always keeps me here in vegas. so i stay, for whatever reasons.

its not bad here. i use to hate it too, like most people. but when i was on the road, no matter what city i was in, people use to talk about vegas like it was the most magical place on earth. so it gave me a weird love/hate to the place.

but i still like to travel lots, and go do new things. and be excited/nervous/scared.

so you did wend up going to school, i remember SOMEONE telling me they couldn't do it.

congratulations.

RE:

2005-12-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

there you are.

i searched on here for you the other day. maybe it's because i knew you were close, or maybe its because i was bored.

regardless, you won the myspace tag.

theres a thing about girls i know moving on up to oregon, just outside portland. must be the way i dress. or the way i bake. or the way my mother dresses when she bakes.

regardless.

you're here.

i'm here.

on the internet.

so how is it up there? anything cool happening right this instant, like armless alligator girating or a tupac memorial.

eh.

lifes good i guess. alot of this day, that day crap. same thing as everybody i guess...

but,

i got a job
a band
a car
cool big boy toys

so why the move to hippie land?

i wanna know.

but its good to see you. i do think about you alot, for some reason or another. and i would ask about you whenever i got the chance.

now i dont have to, so that gives me another reason to avoid schwab. :P

it was fun

2005-12-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

here's the deal

2005-12-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

to you
i'm not anymore special than he is
and to him
i'm just like you
useless

but to me
i'm a sailor
clean suit with a a handful of pirates
with too many ships to board
in uncalm waters

your hands and your mouth
reek of your failed words
your failed sentences
like a phone with no cord in a world with paper radar

you've failed me and way too soon
and i HOPE this text burns a hole
in the back of your eye skin
and the vibrations get so loud that in time...
your blinks become landmines.

too much, too soon, too late.
i'm an AM station with an FM heart
i'll move my antennae and I'll be singing a new tune
while you're still a slave to your radio dial.

i wanna be

2005-12-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

the clutch hitter
the go to man
relief pitcher
with the bases loaded
wanna be the heart doctor
in the emergency surgery

i wanna be
the pinch hitter
the go to guy
the spare tire in the world of flat tires
heart doctor in a world of flat tires

my reply

2005-11-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

thanks for your concern,

you've always been super awesome.

i'm, just sorta stuck at this weird place right now in my life.

its very exciting/new/weird/fun but its also very stressful.

lots of:

new friends
new music
new adventures

i just wish i can sleep in once. but better busy than bored, i guess. it just seems that whenever i attempt to be a normal guy, i end up back where i always end up,

around music and friends.

so maybe someday i'll be a normal dude, but right now its very fun being a loud mouthed potty brain with the ability to play songs on an instrument and like bands nobody else does.

its where i'm meant to be right now, and though i'm tired, i'm very thankful for what i have.

i talk about you alot, to my friends. and you're definitely a person i admire.

so thanks for the kind words and offers.

we'll definitely hang out soon (especially since i finally got a frickin car already)

keep in touch butterfly.

love,

me

i like....

2005-11-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

the way your hips move in the dark